so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
This toilet bowl is my home.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize