which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
