alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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