Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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