A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
