Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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