Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
