Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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