I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
