My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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