Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize