I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
