That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
