their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
