I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
