John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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