Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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