i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
