and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
