Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
