i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
