you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
