that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
