i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
