it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
