the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
from now on my penis is your penis
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
