"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
