She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
