there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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