How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
