I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
