sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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