whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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