I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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