he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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