i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I am naked and annoyed.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize