so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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