never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
