omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
