mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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