Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
