Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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