Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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