Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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