Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
