Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
