I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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