i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
