Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
