Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
