I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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