i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
