Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize