he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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