I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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