Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
