Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
