I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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