i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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