Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I deserve this hangover.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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