I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
