if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
