Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
