And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
