I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize