All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
