Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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