he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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