how can u be prego again
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
