ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
