Moan for me like Helen Keller
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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