apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
