highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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