Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
