Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize